Emotionally-Competent Leadership

    So many times in our lives we hear or see some reference to emotions being weak or not being treated as the most important thing that affects our lives. More importantly our quality of lives. Our emotions are such strong drivers for our lives and have such an impact in our well-being. Dr. Brene Brown, who has a doctorate in social work, speaks to this so poetically. In Brown's TEDtalk in 2010 on vulnerability and speaking to being a qualitative researcher, if you can't measure it, it doesn't exist. How is this possible? How can something we feel so strongly not exist? Especially the feelings of vulnerability or shame. These are such strong emotions and they are most definitely real. It is only through the limitations of science that we are unable to measure it and since we are unable to quantify something or measure it, then it isn't real?? The is the limitation of humans that I see. If you cannot show it to me then it must not be real. We have been saturated in a society that there has to be 'cold hard proof' or it just simply isn't. Feelings are the strongest reason for knowing we are alive.

 “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”     Maya Angelou   

    We are so much more than just data or numbers on a piece of paper. There is more to being human. And that is the experience of emotions and the greatest being love. I cannot show you proof, with hard data that it is real, however I know it is real. It is the same for any emotion, I cannot prove they exist, but they do exist. Dr. Brown (2012), spoke about the emotion shame, being the fear of disconnection. This resonated with me. Something I have struggled with for 10 years now. I have not felt good enough, as a mother, woman, daughter and even in my role as a nurse manager. It is a shame I have carried with me for some time. It wasn't until I heard Dr. Brown speak about shame that I identified the source of my shame. It was my divorce that really brought out shame that I had never experienced, at least to this degree before. Dr. Brown 2 years previous, discussed vulnerability and how it is the most accurate measurement of courage. Having the courage to believe in myself and move forward has been a journey much similar to Dr. Brown's, in that it took 2 years of counseling and the last 8 years of putting into practice to even be able to breath comfortably or forgive myself. I have become a more empathetic person, mother, friend, nurse and even a manager. As I listened to her journey that she navigated her new realization of shame and vulnerability and how empathy is the antidote I saw reels of my leadership develop over the last few years.  

                                                                         Shame

                    

    The journey of my life, as I navigated post divorce and being a single motherhood and becoming a nurse manager, I began to notice my new position as a manager started to not only develop me professionally but personally.

    Albert et al. (2022) and Bradbery (2015), discusses behaviors and characteristics of an emotionally competent leader. I had to be open, through vulnerability as Dr. Brown says and show courage to move forward while be transparent. I have always been curious about people, painfully self-aware and open to new ideas, which I believe are great behaviors and characteristics for being a true servant leader and attune with others as well. I am still developing my emotional vocabulary to better express my empathy toward those entrusted to me. The more that I read and take classes such as these, I begin to meditate on emotions more. I have a friend that is going through a very difficult time in their life. They shared their meditation with me this past weekend and it really struck me. I am always trying to be mindful and especially of my nonverbal communication.

    ~You cannot help others unless you understand the person you are trying to help~ 

    "A leader's physical stance and actions transmit nonverbal messages and can arouse positive or negative emotions" (Albert et al., 2022). I also try to illicit feedback from the staff, as I can only improve with feedback on how I am doing and if I am meeting their needs. This is a journey, one that I will forever be in training for. With changes in staff comes additional changes in being the leader they need. 

    When hiring new staff there is something that is just as important to consider as the resume. The emotional intelligence of the potential new team member. 

    No matter how good someone looks on paper, or even if they are the smartest staff member, if they are not able to work well with others or lead change they can become a problem, they can actually break down the unit. There are many reasons companies are focusing more on emotional intelligence over the traditional hiring methods used previously. In the article by Thygesen (2014), he points out that these individuals are self-aware, self regulate, motivated, have empathy and social skills which leads to better team work and dynamics. These individuals also learn from their mistakes.

    To be a successful and emotionally competent leader, there is no formula, however there is plenty of literature that gives some consistent ideas of behaviors, characteristics and actions that these leaders do take. Much like this program that I am taking, I am willing to learn and want to become better. I do this through asking questions, reading what has worked in the past and following their lead or learning from their mistakes. Henry Cloud says there are 10 things successful people never do again. There were a few that really stood out to me as a leader. The first realizing you cannot and will not please everyone. This was truly a difficult thing to swallow in the beginning. Trying to please everyone will only make you miserable and you will not create cohesion, as backwards as that sounds. Learning your team members and working with those personalities and knowing which people you need to get on board to get the others on board is one of the goals of a leader. The second thing not to do that really captured me was not taking your eyes off the big picture. Remembering why you are there and what your goal and mission is in healthcare is to provide the highest quality healthcare to the patient. There is no greater thing than to serve those who served us. I take care of our Veterans and could not be more honored. My goal and reason for any new implementation I always try to bring back to them and why we are doing this!

References

Albert, N., Pappas, S., Porter O’Grady, T., & Malloch, K. (2022). Quantum leadership: Creating sustainable value in health care (6^th ed.). Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning, LLC.

Brown, B. (2010, June). The power of vulnerability. TED. ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability 

Brown, B. (2012, March). Listening to shame. TED. ted.com/talks/brene-Brown-listening_to_shame

Cloud, H. (2017, November 29). 10 Things successful people never do again. SUCCESS. https://www.success.com/10-things-successful-people-never-do-again/

Thygesen, K. (2014, April 04). Why emotional intelligence is more important to hiring than you think. Fast Company. https://www.fastcompany.com/3029306/why-you-should-make-emotional-intelligence-the-cornerstone-of-your-hiring-strategy